cognitive dissident (ariael) wrote,
cognitive dissident

things of the odd child:

- walking in the loft space (high ceilings, not too many furnitures to stumble on) holding a mirror in front with both of my hands, staring at the reflection of the ceiling with a slight angle; walking and trying to focus on my steps as i focused on not seeing the correspondance of my trajectory described in the view of the mirror/ leading to fall.
Have i tried that recently?
It also explains, oddly enough, my later interest in Merleau-Ponty's phenomenology; and its fundments in the relation between spaciality and motor scheme in the body when it orientates itself by moving and reaching (towards parts of itself)
- enjoying secluded spaces: when playing hide and seek enjoying being in a wardrobe with an unaware voluptuousity similar to how we experiment forbidden pleasures when still a child.
Later it turns into a conscious interest for seclusion; the feeling of being contained. And drawings of the Alice girl in a too small space: box from which her limbs are sticking out. The inadequacy between the feeling of a smaller self and the big body that grew up like a plant. And episodic crisis of wanting to find back the feeling of the small.
- the time spent awake during obligatory nap time at that private school: lying down on my back and moving my pointed fingers along my sides, up and down to feel the canvas of the bed going up and down my spine without feeling te correspondance between that gesture and the sensation of the tensed canvas moving like a string, the rubbery sound too.
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It's very early on a Saturday morning here: finding a Merleau-Ponty reference is a delight.